Grown In my Heart Adoption Carnival: Names

What's in a name?

Grown In My Heart is hosting its second Adoption Carnival. The topic is names and how they relate to the adoption triad. To read more entries or link up your post visit Grown In My Heart.



Lost & Found

When I was born I was presumable given a name. I was called that name for 15 months of my life and then one cold January day I was abandoned on a street corner in Seoul. I was found sitting on the street corner crying and referred to the police. I was found but my name was lost forever.

As a young woman I often day dreamed of returning to that street corner hoping to hear my name whispered to me by the ghosts of my ancestors. And when they whispered my name to me I would somehow begin to remember who I was and understand everything that had happened to me.

After that January day, I was given a Korean Name and identification number and yet another name when I was adopted several months later. Since then I have had so many names and have not been particularly attached to any of them. When people ask if they can give me a nickname I usually shrug my shoulders and say call me whatever you'd like. I know several people that are very specific about their names or their children's names. There are no nicknames and the correct pronunciation is always stressed. I never could relate to that. I guess that is why in our family everyone has about five nicknames.

I heard a snippet on NPR the other day, in between the singing and bickering in the back seat of the car, about how when we pass we die three times. First is when your body dies, the second is when you are buried and the third is when your name is spoken for the last time. I don't know what they were referring to and who the quote is attributed to but for a moment in time all I heard was silence and my heart grieved again for that little girl sitting on the street crying. I wondered if her name, my name, had been spoken for the last time or if there was someone still keeping my memory alive.

Luckily the name I cherish the most - no matter how over used it is - sent me crashing back to reality. "Mooooooooommmmmmmy! Emme won't let me sing!" I wiped my eyes and looked up into the rear view mirror and smiled. I smiled because I know in my heart that the only names that matter are the names our loved ones call us. Whether it be a Hey Honey from my hubby or a Mommy from my girls, it doesn't matter how mundane or frequently used it is... nothing sounds sweeter.